COURSE NEWS

RESCUE COURSE TUESDAY 20th July (6pm). This is a good course to shout your buddy. I mean if you're the one in trouble wouldn't you like your buddy knowing what they're doing. This is an excellent course for those wishing to gain a few more skills and a must for those wanting to become Dive Masters. The cost of the course is $379. You will need to be an advanced diver with some sort of CPR/first aid certificate. If you need first aid training we will be running one after the rescue course for $150. The rest of the dates are 6pm, Wednesday 21st and Thursday 22nd , then the following Saturday and possibly Sunday during the day. You'll need your own gear or you can rent it from us at a special deal. This will be taken by Neil with Magda along helping.

INSTRUCTOR DEVELOPEMENT COURSE (IDC) The next one will be in early November 2010 so start thinking about it soon i.e. start saving the pennies and start studying soon as!

TRIP LIST

Remember we are out at the Poor Knights an training an awful lot but I don't often list the weekends here. If you are interested then call us and we'll see what we can arrange.

Sorry if the trip list looks a bit thin at the moment but Goat Island dive are taking their boat out of the water for two months an Jim off Taranui is out of action for a few weeks with a dodgy Knee. We're in the process of coming up with a couple more Poor Knights trips.

SATURDAY and SUNDAY JULY 17th and 18th. Two days off Crayzee at the POOR KNIGHTS. We will be coming in on Saturday so you are welcome to book for one or two days. Tank fills cost an extra $8 each for those doing both days (you will need two tanks). Magda will be leading this trip and it will be divers only, no openwater course on board which opens up the weekend to more dive sites. Cost is $100 per day and you can book for one or both and we will be leaving 8:30am each day. As its getting cooler we can arrange accommodation for $30 a night staying at the Tutukaka motor lodge (i.e. sheets and warm stuff).

SUNDAY JULY 25th. Diving ALDERMEN ISLANDS with Jim on the Taranui. Down to two dives a day so we get back home before dark (after dark if you’re driving a heap of s*%t like what I do). The Aldermen Islands are very similar to the Poor Knights with lovely clear water and a large variety of dive sites so we’ll be able to find a site that suits everyone and all experience levels of diving. Leaves 9:00 am from Tairua wharf and costs $120.

SUNDAY AUGUST 22nd. CASTLE ROCK and somewhere coastal for a cray or two. Somewhere we don’t go too often. Castle rock is a mega drop-off with huge fish life. The coast around Tairua is good for cray’s so it’ll be a pretty and productive day we hope. All are nice easy dives though buoyancy control is handy at Castle Rock as it goes pretty deep but on a bit of a slope so although the opportunity is there for deep it is optional. The boat leaves Tairua wharf at 9:00am.and the trip costs $120

Please note: Due to the expense of chartering boats we will require a deposit when booking and the balance one week before the trip leaves. Failure to do so may mean you lose your spot without notice. Refunds will only be given if the trip is cancelled or we find someone to take your place. THIS MEANS YOU! Please contact the shop the day before and the morning of the trip for latest updates. We will have our answer machine on if closed

Jokes

Dennis Penberthy, an elderly Cornish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Penberthy.
"Well," said Penberthy, "there's the farm hand. I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of gin every week, and, occasionally, gets to
sleep with my wife."
"That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, "the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Penberthy.

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"
They draw straws. Jim Keane picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Keane goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Keane declares, "Your husband just lost 500, and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.
"I'll go tell him." says Keane.

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.."

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Fitzgerald arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery"
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda.. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Voted the Best Scottish Short Joke

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,
"Excuse me Missie, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,
"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"